No pressure, right?
Growing up I clung to the idea of soul mates. I've always been a romantic and I didn't think there could be anything quite more romantic than finding your one true love.
I figured after faithfully serving a full time mission my one true love would show up at my doorstep and I would know without a doubt we had found each other and that he was the only person in the whole world for me and I for him.
Fatefully, however, this quote by President Kimball kept popping up in my life:
“Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."
(read the rest of the talk here... its fantastic!!)
I tried to ignore this counsel because it didn't go along with my fantasies but luckily my mission taught my better and I knew that the words of the prophets aren't something we get to pick and choose whether we follow. The words of the prophets are literally the words of God. So, what now? No soul mate?? Now how was I EVER supposed to know who to marry? Also luckily, Heavenly Father knew I would be coming to this cross road in my life and directed me down a wonderful new path: Marriage and Family Studies. I changed to this major at just the right time and have learned SO much that helped me to make my own marriage decision. Ben and I have been asked about our marriage decision a lot lately and I've felt prompted again and again to put this post together. I feel really inadequate to write this but the prophets have also taught me to never deny a generous thought so here it goes.
Although my initial reaction to finding out I didn't have a soul mate was to be disheartened I quickly realized this is actually a beautiful part of Heavenly Father's plan. He loves us enough to give us agency-- the ability to act and make decisions for ourselves! This is not to say He won't help us to make those decisions but He did send us here to learn to act for ourselves so we must do a little work. What a blessing that is.
So, though you are not going to date THE right one you can and will date A right one. It is then up to you to get to know that person and to figure out if you could be married to them. This doesn't mean that he or she has to be perfect RIGHT NOW but that your future spouse will work toward perfection with you and help you to gain eternal life. Once you feel you have found one of those wonderful people, talk to God about it. Tell Him you want to marry that person and why and ask for his approval (I learned how much more powerful this is than asking, Is he THE ONE?). Unfortunately, He most likely isn't going to give you a flash-of-light-amazing-all-in-one-moment answer. As you pray about this person throughout your courtship and engagement Heavenly Father will help you to feel peace and small glimpses of light. If it feels good, move forward. He will never let you get too far down a wrong path without first warning you. Just because you aren't receiving a giant obvious answer doesn't mean you aren't receiving one at all!
Next, act in faith. Move forward remembering the peace you have felt and ignore all of the doubts Satan is going to put into your mind because you haven't received a big life changing answer telling you this is your soul mate. Because this is the most important decision you'll make, the adversary is going to work on you hard. He is bent on destroying families. Don't let Him! God IS on your side and He wants so badly for you to make this decision. "once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now."
Here comes my favorite part: You have made the decision to marry some wonderful person and then that person BECOMES the one. You NOW have your soul mate. Soul mates are in fact real! It's just more of a choose your own adventure thing :) Once you have made sacred covenants in God's temple you are literally sealed to your sweetheart for eternity and he is no longer A right one but THE right one and you have promised God and your spouse that you will work every single day to make that statement true.
I know that God created man and woman not to compete with one another but to complete one another. I know that He is very interested in this decision and that He will be there for you every step of the way if you will let him. I also know that this decision requires so much faith but that it will bring you greater happiness than you can imagine!
"That proclamation on the family helps us realize that celestial marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other relationship. The earth was created and this Church was restored so that families could be formed, sealed, and exalted eternally."
-Russell M. Nelson
No comments:
Post a Comment