3 years ago today was a day that would change the course of the rest of my life. Just thinking about it gives me chills! There was SO much that led up to this moment. I know that I've blogged about my decision to serve a mission before so I won't go into the whole story but I just can't let this day pass by without expressing my gratitude.
After deciding to serve a mission literally one week before I moved out of the country, I scrambled to fill out my mission papers and get them submitted. When I got to London I found out that I couldn't officially submit them until 3 or 4 months (can't remember for sure) before I'd be available to leave. That left one whole month for the adversary to work on me HARD. No joke, my first month in London, the month that I thought would be the happiest of my life, was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I've always been a happy person but the adversary knows just how to get to you when he really doesn't want you to do something and he must have really not wanted me to serve this mission because during that month I was in a dark place. We're talking crying for hours in Starbucks bathrooms and McDonalds lobbies (yes, both of those are true examples sadly enough) because that is the only place in England that I could access free wifi and get in touch with my parents thousands of miles away. I had never felt how I felt during that time and I would prefer to never feel that way again. Basically, to sum it all up in one word, I felt ALONE. I felt so alone that I was 110% ready to throw away my dream of studying abroad (and a ton of money) so that I could fly back to America and just not be alone. Well, that's what I thought the answer was, anyway. In fact, I came very close to doing just that. Thankfully, God intervened just in time.
One night when I was walking up and down the streets of London, it was particularly dark and cold that night and I was feeling worse than ever, my angel parents told me exactly what I needed to hear.
In a stroke of revelation, they realized exactly what was happening. As they read Joseph Smith's history that day, this passage struck them:
15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.
Not dissimilar to Joseph Smith, there was a power that was seizing my Spirit and having an astonishing influence on me. My parents commented that since I had been in London I was literally not myself. They continued with the next verse:
16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair .....
As we know, this is when the first vision occurred. Now, I am in no way trying to put myself on the same plane as the Prophet Joseph or to compare my experience to his. However, the principle taught is the same. The moment my parents shared these verses with me I felt a peace wash over me that I had not felt in weeks. It was as though a 1000 lb weight had been literally lifted from my shoulders. I knew in that moment what I had to do. The answer was not to go home because that would be sinking in despair.
That night I knelt by my bedside and offered the most sincere prayer I have ever uttered. I cannot describe the peace that I felt that night. It was the peace that my soul had been longing for. I wasn't alone anymore.
The next three months in London were some of the best of my life up until that point and I owe that to the fact that I was exerting all of my power to call upon God each day. For the first time in my life I began reading my scriptures daily and praying as if I were talking to my best friend.
Fast forward to March 23, 2013. My study abroad group had spent a week in Paris that just so happened to be the week my call was meant to arrive. We got home late that night and I literally ran to our flat from the train station. That night I read my mission call--the call that I was willing to give up in order to return home and escape the nightmare I had been living a few months before. If I had returned home from London early, I would not have served a mission. My entire life would have taken a different path.
Thankfully, I stayed the semester in London and it was the best mission prep I could have ever had. It became very obvious later on that it was exactly what I needed in order to be able to give my whole self to the Lord and serve Him full time for 18 months. London led me to my mission and my mission led me to experiences that literally changed the person that I am. AND led me to my wonderful husband! :)
What started out as the darkest days of my life, led to the most bright and glorious. I know that the adversary is real and I know that he will do whatever it takes to keep us from realizing our divine purpose here on this Earth. He is good at what he does, but God is better. All we have to do is turn to Him and he will deliver us from whatever is holding us back from becoming the beings of glorious light we are meant to become.
The harder the trial that you are facing, the greater the miracle that is right around the corner!! If you are having a dark day, week, or year, exert all of your power to call on God and He will illuminate the light in your life.
I love Him so much for it!!
Okay, so I might have lied about not going into that whole story. I didn't intend to but once I started writing I just couldn't stop so I'm just going to assume someone needed to hear it! Congratulations if you made it this far :)
The Lord is my light, friends!
xoxo,
Kay
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